11 June 1992: Homers @ Cosmic Debris

During an impromptu press conference in Panama, President Bush, as he was diving into his car, announced his first policy decision since the beginning of his long-anticipated journey to Rio. Presidential staffers insisted that the environmental president said, "Get the Homers", in an allegorical reference to the Brazilians' destruction of the Amazon rainforests in much the same way that the Homers had been winning ballgames. Reporters on the scene were equally adamant in insisting that they heard him declare, "Get me home!" Being the good Americans that we are, the Homers then went out and threw the game to Cosmic Debris, losing 11 to 2 in our least productive offensive game ever.

Starting for the Homers were Don J. at pitcher, Jeff at catcher, Juan at first, Jesus at second, Richard at short, Mary (season debut) at third, Debbie at rover, Jason in left, Mark in center, and Don F. in right. Raul started on the bench and relieved Don after the first inning. Our offense scrounged for only five and 1/2 hits: Juan had 2; Jesus, 1; Debbie, 1; and Richard, 1 and 1/2, the one being a solo home run to break the shutout and the half being a grounder that the pitcher bobbled. This was probably the fastest game of the season since the top half of every inning went very quickly. Furthermore, we didn't have too many defensive highlights after the game started, although in batting practice Debbie and Mark made nice running catches. During the game, Jason made a nice tag at home, and Don F. was solid in right. However, Cosmic Debris was simply hitting the ball well and generally thrashing us, despite an automatic out from the mercy rule in 3 or 4 of their innings. Afterwards, Jason, Raul, Mark, Mary, Don, and Don adjourned to Rose City Diner to drown their sorrows in cheese fries.

Our next game is Tuesday, June 16, against the LA Radars on field H3, the one on the south side of the Rose Bowl. The batters will be looking into the sun. Every Homer should promise to heed the president only as much as he heeds himself, or, to take Mr. Bush's other tactic, to say we did and maybe even believe we did regardless of reality.

Homers          0  0  0  0  0  1  1     2
Cosmic Debris   0  2  7  1  0  1  x    11