While major league baseball suffers through attendance drops of 8000 per
game, the Homers announced a crowd of ZERO for their home opener.  Field 
manager Jeff Osman blamed trickle-down apathy and promised to lower ticket
prices and provide sideline entertainment, but the following facts cannot 
be ignored:
<UL>
<LI>the Clark clan was on sabbatical
<LI>at 5:00 pm, summer finally arrived
<LI>Amy's groupies were camping out for Lollapalooza tickets
<LI>Scott's limbs are all strangely intact
</UL>
Nevertheless, a hardy group of Homers pasted the Keystone Co-ops 21 to 11.  
The Co-ops, despite having their best team since the '87-'88 glory years, 
could not quite match the power of the Homers, who scored in every inning.<p>
<pre>
    Keystone Co-ops  2  3  0  2  0  4  0     11
    Homers           5  4  3  1  2  6  x     21
</pre>
The Homers' turnout was the smallest of the year with Jeff (C/RF), Richard 
(SS/LF/P), Ron (CF), Holly (3B), Scott (1B/P/welcome back), Tim (LF/SS), 
Dave (C/RF), Mary (2B), Robb (P/SS/LF), and Amy (RCF).  Despite the small
numbers on the field, six Homers, Richard, Tim, Ron, Robb, Mary, and Jeff, 
hit Fuddrucker's after the game to talk softball, Dilbert (which could now 
put together a self-referential series), and job security.<p>

The Homer game ball goes to Ron, who pounded three home runs, all to
right-center field.  Said Ron, "Piazza and I have been partying together:
we spot each other in the weight room.  He shows me how to hit - I show him
how to create his own Web site."  Richard, truly appreciating playing on
field 1 of Pasadena High School with its short left field, hit one (fair) 
over the fence, while Tim and Holly both tripled off it.  Jeff tapped into 
some hidden wellspring of power with a double and two deep flies to left, 
and Scott clutched up time and again.<p>

Defensively, Mary took one for the team during a force play at second as the 
runner from first had to choose whether to:
<OL>
<LI>slide
<LI>avoid
<LI>knock the shit out of Mary
</OL>
He chose 3.  Homers, in that situation, think to yourselves, "Throw like Tim,
throw like Tim, throw like Tim."  Holly made a nice scoop at third off the 
uneven grass and then taunted the batter before gunning him down.  Richard, 
with one out and two runners on, told the co-op who was leading off waaay too 
much from third not to get doubled off on a line drive, then doubled him off 
on a line drive.<p>

We have no game next week.  However, there will be a ****HOMER BARBECUE****,
that's right a
<BLOCKQUOTE>
    ****HOMER BARBECUE****
</BLOCKQUOTE>
this Sunday, 3:00 pm at Jeff's house.  Jeff says to feel free to invite 
others.  Kids welcome.  Can you believe it's Memorial Day already?  Anyway, 
tell Jeff (osman@kelvin.jpl.nasa.gov, 354-6752 work, 213 BAR-LONG home) if 
you're going to show.  Everyone ought to bring enough of something for four 
people or so.  I'll bring sodas (and other stuff, of course).<p>
<pre>
    4714 Via Mia, LA.  Take 110, right (east) on Via Marisol, over hill,
                       left on Via Mia, bottom of hill.
</pre>
Does anyone have a karaoke machine?<p>

Our schedule for the month of June is out.  The scheduling gods have again
been kind to some of us with no Monday games, 3 out of 4 games as the
visiting team, and one more shot at field 1 of Pasadena High School before
we move to the Rose Bowl in July.
<pre>
    Thu, June  8, PH2, Homers @ LA Radars          # a good team; Jeff gone
    Thu, June 15, PH1, Deep Space Cadets @ Homers  # Richard's other team
    Wed, June 21, LFF, Homers @ Vas-Y Bears        # Richard & Jeff gone
    Thu, June 29, PH2, Homers @ Goat Scouts        # a good team
</pre>
Next game:  June 8.