16 July 1996: Homers @ Planet X

The Lakers seemed to lose ground this week in the Shaquille O'Neal sweepstakes, as their original offer of $95.5 million for seven years, seemingly exorbitant at first, looked diminished following contracts of $16 million and $14 million per year to the less-proven Alonzo Mourning and Juwan Howard. Besides trying to clear more salary-cap room, the Lakers have also sought help from the Los Angeles entertainment industry by offering the easily-bored Shaq the following projects:

the lead role in a Paramount movie about a boy from the Islands who's spotted one day batting coconuts off palm trees, entitled Blue Hawaii II
a rap remake of Kung Fu Fighting, complete with a "Making of ..." video
partnership with Disney and Michael Jackson in a new theme park to be named Never Never Graceland

"If that's not enough, we still have one last ace in the hole, a true challenge for a man of Mr. O'Neal's talents" claimed Laker GM Jerry West. "First base for the Homers when Tim or Richard play shortstop."

    Homers      3  0  4  3  1  1  5      17
    Planet X    3  0  2  0  0  0  0       5

Not that the Homers needed any help, for not only did the team play well, but 18 Homers and 7 (human) spectators showed up, which seemingly is the best turnout ever for a Homer game.

    Scott       OF OF -  OF -  OF -
    Richard     SS P  -  P  -  P  -
    Cheryl      P  -  P  SS -  1B -
    Jeff        C  -  C  C  -  C  -
    Tim         3B -  OF -  OF SS -
    Ron         OF -  OF OF -  OF -
    Sue         2B -  2B -  2B 2B -
    Ellen       OF -  -  2B OF -  C
    David       OF -  3B -  SS -  OF
    Doug        1B -  1B -  1B -  1B
    Monica      -  2B OF -  C  -  2B
    Mary        -  OF OF -  -  -  -
    Robb        -  SS -  3B P  -  P
    Annette     -  C  -  OF OF -  OF
    Evora       -  3B SS -  3B -  3B
    Holly       -  1B -  1B -  OF 3B
    Allan       -  OF -  OF -  OF OF
    Amy         -  OF -  -  OF OF OF

    spectators:  Samantha, Isabelle, Hannah, Taylor, 
                 Dante, Holly, Allen, Alex Pescaru

Game ball goes to Jeff, whose management skills came through in his juggling of the lineups, as every player except Mary, injured making a nice catch in the 3rd inning, played exactly four innings. Quoth Jeff, "All my life - my MBA at U$C, my time as a group supe, my years in TMOD - has pointed toward this day," though no one was sure if he was referring to field-managing the Homers or picking a dinner location far enough away so that Tim, Richard, Ron, Cheryl, and Amy couldn't go due to their Sharks game at 8:10. Actually making it to Fuddrucker's were Mary, Robb, Alex, Sue, Scott, and Jeff with a guest appearance by Evora, her husband, and Marlo. Appearing at the first alternate location, Jack in the Box near the 210 between the Rose Bowl and Loma Alta Park, were Doug, Monica, Holly, Allen, Cheryl, Amy, Tim, and Richard, and at the second alternate dinner, Round Table at 9:30, were Ken, Joe, Ron, Dwayne, Earl, Tim, and Richard, the last two of which need to find something better to do with their lives.

Other contenders for the game ball were Sue for offering to sit out to make Jeff's life easier, Mary for actually doing so after popping her knee out of place and for taunting Planet X so heavily (e.g. she offered the Xers a towel monogrammed "You lose") that the Homers had to defend her words, and Amy for exceptional babysitting and roughhousing.

As for the game itself, Tim and Ron hit back-to-back home runs in the fourth, with one runner on for Tim, Richard hit his first of the year, a two-out solo in the sixth, and Ron sealed the game with a three-run home run in the seventh. Defensively, Tim at 3B made a nice sprinting catch of an infield dinker to end the first inning, Allen made one or two nice running catches in the outfield, and Robb anchored two shutout innings from pitcher in which he seemed to assist on half the outs.

Next week's game is Tuesday, July 23, on field H2 against the Goat Scouts, another good team whom I personally like because they've actually looked at and complimented the Homer web page.