Homers 2000

The HOMER's season ended on a high-note yesterday when the HOMERs defeated the Deep Space Cadets by a score of 13-10. The season took its toll on the HOMERs as the game' s attendance was, (based on the triage of the HOMERs team physician, Dr. Pepper):

Injured Reserve/Dead/Disabled: Robb, Scott, Karen

Playing Wounded: Steve, Tony

Healthy - Playing: Jeff, Ron, Kim, Richard, Jana, Joe, Becky, Rich, Annette, Mary, Sue (FM)

Healthy - Spectating: Scott S, Craig

Missing: Ganino Bambino

Line score:

         1   2   3   4   5   6   7
HOMERs   3   3   2   2   2   1   0   13
DSC      0   0   6   2   0   0   2   10

Dinner at Crown City was attended by: Robb, Scott, Karen, Steve, Jeff, Ron, Kim, Richard, Jana, Joe, Rich, Annette, Mary, Sue, Scott S, Craig.

Many pictures from the game and the dinner ("cc" at end of photo name) can be found at:

A cultural phenomenon has swept the country this summer. It has captured the attention of people from all walks of life. It dominates the gossip in office hallways, and the polite chatter around dinner tables everywhere. TV news from every network has been covering it. Newspaper articles about it have been showing up in every section of the paper from the News Section, to Sports, to Business, to Life & Style. It is, of course, who will be the final Survivor in the competition for M. HOMER points. The whole country seems to want to know, who will be the snake, and who will be the rat.

The next to last installament of this year's HOMERS Survivor contest involved an immunity challenge called the HOMERS versus the OAO UTA Hackers. The HOMERS tribe once again was the winner by a score of 15-2.

           1   2   3   4   5   6   7   Total
Hackers    0   0   0   0   1   0   1    2
HOMERS     4   0   8   0   1   2   x   15

Scott      OF   OF   OF   OF   --   OF   OF/D*
Rich       1B   1B   3B   --   1B   1B   3B
Ron        3B   SS    P   --   3B   SS   --/OF
Kathy      OF   2B   OF   --   2B   2B   --
Daniel      C   OF   --   OF   OF   OF   --
Tony       SS    P   --   3B   SS   3B   --
Richard    OF   --   SS   SS   OF   --    P
Annette    OF   OF   --   OF   OF   OF   --
Steve       P   --   1B   1B    P   --   SS
Jeff       --    C   OF    C    C   --   1B
Joe        --   OF    C   OF   --    C   OF
Jana       2B   --   2B    P   OF   --   2B
Becky      --   3B   OF   2B   --   OF   OF
Robb       --   --   --   --   --    P    C
Mary       --   --   --   --   --   --   OF
Sue        <-------  field manager  ------>

The game was the best defensive effort by the HOMERS all season. The HOMERS had a shutout going into the 5th inning, and even survived Richard's pitching in the 7th. The outfield made several nice catches of sinking line drives, and Scott and Mary almost combined on a juggling catch in right center field. The only notable defensive lapse was when Rich stopped to admire Kathy's good stop of a grounder to second base and forgot he had to get back to first base to take the throw.

Offensively the HOMERS once again lived up to their name. Ron went 3 for 3 in the home run department. Steve added another 2, and Tony added 1. Richard had two triples. Most everyone else hit well, but giving up a mercy out from the 3rd inning on really kept our at bats down.

One additional note was that HOMERS history and tradition was revived once again when Scott had to remove himself from the game in the 7th inning due to injury. The betting pool started soon afterwords as to which bone Scott might have broken this time. Stay tuned to next week's report for the pool results. Hopefully nest weeks report will also feature the results of the Ganino Baby pool. After watching a commercial on the TV during dinner, Scott revised his entry in the baby pool to the baby being born right in the middle of the Georgia Tech vs. Virginia Tech football game this weekend.

Speaking of dinner, it was held at Round Table, and was attended by: Scott, Rich, Sue, Ron, Kathy, Annette, Daniel, Richard, Steve, Jeff, Craig, Jana, Becky, Robb, and Mary.

Remember that the HOMERS have one more game. It is on Thursday August 31, 2000 against the Deep Space Cadets on field H2. As usual let Richard or Jeff know if you aren't going to make it.

The best one-word description for tonight's game: "Ouch!"

Inning:              1   2   3   4   5   6   7   Total

Cinco Equis:         6   17  0   6   3   0   1   34
Bru...uh...Homers:   2   1   3   7   3   0   1   17

            Karen    P   -   C   C   C   --  --
            ScottM   OF  OF  OF  OF  OF  --  OF
            Jeff     1B  1B  1B  1B  1B  C   OF
            Kim      2B  2B  2B  2B  0F  0F  --
            Ron      OF  OF  OF  OF  OF  1B  1B
            ScottG   SS  SS  --  --  --  --  --  (borrowed from TOADs)
            Annette  OF  OF  3B  3B  3B  OF  OF
            Daniel   OF  OF  OF  OF  OF  OF  OF
            Chris    3B  3B  SS  SS  SS  --  --  (borrowed from Paper Tigers)
            Jana     C   P   P   P   2B  2B  2B
            ScottS   --  C   OF  OF  OF  --  --  (borrowed from his chair)
            Richard  --  --  --  --  --  OF  SS
            Steve    --  --  --  --  --  P   P
            Rich     --  --  --  --  --  SS  C
            Becky    --  --  --  --  --  3B  3B

The first indication that it was going to be a tough game was the defection of a goodly portion of Homer Regulars. The next was Ron getting burned big time by Cinco Colleen's hit over his head into the outfield to score a home run in the top of the first inning. Then, Karen took a nasty tumble rounding second base in the bottom of the same inning (but she stayd in the game -- she's a trooper!). And then, Cinco Equis scored 17 runs in the second inning, handing the Homers possibly their first double mercy in the lifetime of the team, leaving the Homers to flop in and out of that double mercy for the rest of the game. Jeff's klanking glove maladay seemed also to have infected other gloves as Homers were sent running all over the outfield. The Homer defectors finally returned during the fifth inning, only to make two of the three outs.

But it wasn't all bad. Homer highlights include Daniel's one-man triple play making ALL the outs in the the third inning, some gutsy baserunning by Daniel and Chris in the fourth inning which tied up the Cinco catcher and sent the game ball into the sewer, and a couple of good outfield catches by ScottM, Ron and Daniel. Chris hit a solo home run in the first inning, and Ron hit a 3-run homer in the fourth inning.

The "That Wasn't Very Graceful" award goes to Karen, the "You're Not Supposed To Do That" award goes to ScottS for mowing down the Cinco catcher coming home in the fifth inning, and the "What the Heck is He Doing?" award goes to the Cinco left fielder who, while 20 runs ahead, decided he needed to make a diving catch of a ball that went waaaayyyyy foul of the left field line (he missed both the ball and the tree, fortunately). The "They Need to Pay a Scorekeeper" award goes to the Cinco Equis management as they couldn't figure out how many runs they had, calling the Homers in from the field twice, before deciding "oh never mind, we'll give it to you" in the fifth inning. Finally, the "#10 Lame Excuse for Losing a Game" award goes to Homer Field Manager of the Day Jeff who said: "We talked Karen into writing the Homers report early today, so we played like Bruisers". Tsk tsk Jeff... at least Cinco Equis didn't double mercy the Bruisers! :)

The Wound-Licking dinner at Round Table was attended by Jana, Kim, Karen, ScottM, Steve, Richard, Rich, Jeff, Craig, ScottS and Ron.

The last currently-scheduled Homers game is Thursday August 24. Tell Jeff if you won't make it. *Stay tuned in case a game gets scheduled for the week of August 28.*

                      1  2  3  4  5  6  7
Deep Space Cadets     4  0  6  0  0  3  1    14
HOMERs                4  4 10  3  4  0   -    25

                  1  2  3  4  5  6  7
SCOTT            OF OF OF OF 3B  * OF
JEFF              C 1B 1B 1B OF  * OF
KIM              OF 2B 2B 3B 2B 2B 2B
RICHARD          OF OF OF  * OF OF OF
TONY              P  C  C  *  C  P  C
RON              3B SS SS OF  * OF OF  
JANA             2B  P  * 2B  P 3B  P
RICH             1B 3B  * 3B 1B 1B 3B      
STEVE            SS  *  P  P SS SS SS
JOE               * OF OF OF OF OF OF
ANNETTE          OF  * 3B -----------
KATHY             * OF OF OF OF OF OF
ROB              --------  C  *  C  *
SUE              <-- Field Manager -->

As the HOMERS began the quest for another winning streak, see earlier report for gory details of prior game, the game started on a hot Monday afternoon. Yes, it is Friday and the report should have been out sooner but LINUX and I do not get along so it's back to Windows 98 and AOL.

Starting off, things were tight, a four-four tie at the end of the first inning. However, the vaunted HOMER defense took charge and the Cadets went down in order in the second inning. Defense was the name of the game, at times, with a superior double play RON-KIM-JEFF. And speaking of JEFF aka platinum glove, nothing escaped his mighty catch, making several outstanding plays.

On the offensive side there were home runs by RON (2) and TONY, with everyone getting at least one hit. The game ended when SCOTT caught the fly ball hit by caulkins. Food was at Crown City and attended by Rich, Scott S, Kim, Richard, Steve, Robb, Mary, Scott, Jeff, Sue, Ron, Jana, Craig, and Kathy

Next game is Monday, August 14, 2000. Please let Jeff know if you cannot attend.

We take you now to a stereotypical American household, not unlike your own on any given evening. Our protagonist, Mr. C. Potato, is desperately searching for some 'quality' TV, an effort not often accomplished successfully in today's shotgun style programming. Let's watch Mr. P., remote in hand, in his quest for the perfect program.

<click>
TV ON

Channel 2:  Republican National Convention.
   "Hello, this is Dan Rather reporting from the floor of the "
        <click>

Channel 4:  Republican National Convention.
       "... and as Laura Bush approaches the podium to deliver tonight's "
        <click>

Channel 5:  Sally Jessy Raphael
"So how did you feel when you found your husband in a motel room with the
San Francisco Men's Glee Club?"
        <click>

Channel 7:  Monday Night Football 
   Al Michaels:  "So Dennis, what do you expect to see after the
intermission?"
   Dennis Miller:  "Not unlike the 49ers, Al, I've scripted my first 15
comments of the second half!"
     <click>

Channel 9:  Judge Judy
      "We're now going to talk to our plaintive to get his reaction to the
Judge's verdict that he can not be compensated for his dead dog's ugly
demise at the hands of the female professional wrestler."
     <CLICK>

Channel 11:  The Simpsons
  Doh,  Mr. P has seen this one as much as Richard has.
   <click>

Channel 13:  Republican National Convention Highlights:
     Note:  Screen remains blank!
     <click>

LIVE, FROM PASADENA, IT'S HOMERVISION!!!!

Mr. P. relaxes in his overstuffed chair, releases his vicelike grip on the remote, and prepares for a 'quality' evening with his family!

The Homers, realizing that the future of tier 23 rested solely on their shoulders, thus turned a pending rout into a game that would garner those ratings that cable has been seeking for years. Unfortunately, their benefactory mood was carried a bit too far, (as well as the defection of a number of key Homers) and they turned a 14-1 lead into a 15-14 loss to the Gravity Fielders. But ahhhh, those ratings.

Offensive highlights proved to be microbursts in two innings, with 3 run dingers being slugged by Ron and Rich. Defensively, the highlight reel will long be playing the double play between Ron and Jeff which ended a Gravity Fielder threat in the 6th inning, as well as sparkling catches by Kim and Karen. Celebrating the ratings at Crown City after the game were Jeff, Ron, Sue, Craig, Jana, Scott S., Kim, Kathy, Karen, Scott M., and Robb. Honorable mention goes to Rich, Richard, and Joe, who slid into CCB in time to earn .99 dinner points.

Game details follow:

Homers       7  0  7  0  0  0  0    14
G. Fielders  0  0  1  2  5  1  6    15

  Karen      P 2B  -  P 2B  P  P
  Jeff       C OF  - 1B 1B 1B 1B
  Scott     OF OF  - OF OF OF OF
  Richard   OF SS SS OF SS  -  -
  Kim       2B  - OF 2B  - OF 2B
  Ron       3B  - OF 3B  - SS SS
  Joe       OF OF OF  - OF  -  -
  Tony      SS 3B  P SS  -  -  -
  Becky     OF  - 3B  - 3B 3B 3B
  Rich      1B 1B 1B  -  -  -  -
  Daniel     -  C  C  -  C OF OF
  Jana       -  P 2B  -  P 2B  C
  Kathy      - OF  - OF OF  - OF
  Mary       -  - OF OF OF OF OF
  Robb       -  -  -  C  -  C  -
  Sue       FM FM FM FM FM FM FM

Next weeks game is Tuesday against the Deep Space Cadets. The Cadets are a vastly improved team this year, and the word on the street is that they have been pointing to this game all season. Please let Jeff or Richard know if you intend to disappoint the team and not show up for this battle of the C League titans.

<click>
Homers Report off.

It was a hot afternoon at the rose bowl. The sun was shining, the homers were ready, and the sprinklers were on in center field. A perfect day for some softball.

In a game with a stunning lack of defense from both teams, the homers won a slug fest over the crawdads 32-28. A total of 60 runs for the game.

Crawdads        4  2  2  6  0  7  7   28
HOMERs          5  11 3  7  0  6  -   32

The quote of the game came from Jeff as he was about to take the field in the 3rd inning. "I can't cause any damage at catcher". Poor Jeff, someone should have told him about that mythical hole in his glove BEFORE he tried to catch a throw and tag the runner out at home. The slooow runner was safe at home as the ball lay on the ground at Jeff's feet.

On the offensive side of things, 6 home runs were hit in the game by Homers. Richard 2, Ron 3, Tony 1, and Steve 1. The great legs award goes to Ron for pinch running for Steve and Rich. Ron crossed home plate 8 times as a result of his hitting and pinch running. Go Ron Balke Go. [sic: the Homers hit 8 home runs, including one from Rich.]

A new rule was announced at the end of the game that the victim or should I say happy volunteer that writes the Homers report gets to pick the dinner place. As a result of this new rule, dinner was at Crown City and was attended by Jeff, Scott, Ron, Sue, Jana, Craig, Kim, Scott S., Robb, Steve, Richard, Rich, and Kathy.

Defensive line-up

            1  2  3  4  5  6  7
Scott      OF OF OF OF OF OF  *         
Jeff       OF OF  C 1B 1B  * OF
Kim        2B 2B 2B OF  * 2B 2B
Richard    OF OF OF OF OF  * OF
Ron         P SS 3B SS  * 3B SS
Rich       1B  C 1B 3B  * 1B 1B 
Becky      3B OF OF  * OF OF OF
Tony       SS 3B SS  * SS SS 3B
Jana        C  P  * 2B  P  C  P
Kathy      OF  * OF OF OF OF  *
Steve       * 1B  P  P 3B  P  *
Robb        *  *  *  C  C  *  C 
Mary        *  *  *  * 2B OF OF
Sue         <-- Field Manager -->

Next weeks game is on Monday on H2. We're going to be tight on players next week.
Expected: Ron, Jeff, Becky, Kim, Scott, Jana, Kathy, Daniel, Karen
Leaving early: Rich, Tony, Joe, Richard
Arriving late (hopefully): Robb, Mary
If your status changes, please let Richard or Jeff know.

              1  2  3  4  5  6  7
Paper Tigers  0  3  0  0  0  1  1    5
HOMERs        3  3  5  2  1  5  -   19

            1  2  3  4  5  6  7
Jeff       OF OF 1B 1B OF  * OF
Kim        2B OF 2B 2B  * 2B OF
Scott       C  *  C  *  C  *  C
Richard    SS OF SS OF SS OF OF
Joe        OF OF OF OF  * OF OF
Ron        OF  P OF OF OF OF  *
Annette    OF 3B  *  *  *  *  *
Rich       1B 1B 3B  * 1B 1B 1B
Becky      3B  * OF 3B 3B 3B 3B
Steve       P  C  *  P  P  P  P
Kathy       * 2B OF OF OF OF  *
Tony        * SS  P SS OF SS SS
Jana        *  *  *  C 2B  C 2B
Sue         <-- Field Manager -->

Offensively, everyone had at least one hit. Kim, Richard and Becky went 4 for 4 while Jana was 2 for 2. Kim not only got a hit on every at-bat but also scored at every opportunity bringing in four runs. An injured Scott was unable to bat. Without his leadership, home runs were relatively scarce with the HOMERs getting only two. Tony and Rich each had three run homers. With Rich's home run, the HOMERs tied a team record for the most home runs in a season (this from Ron). Richard and Tony also had triples.

Defensively, the HOMERs were very solid, shutting out the Paper Tigers in four innings and allowing only five runs in the game. Highlights included Richard's staggering play in the first to complete the inning, a near double play from Richard to Kim to Jeff in the third, excellent catches by Jeff and Tony in the fifth and Tony backing up third on several occassions.

Dinner at Round Table was attended by: Kim, Jeff, Scott, Rich, Ron, Sue, Joe, Steve, Becky, Richard, Jana and Craig.

Next game is Tuesday, July 25, on field H3 against the Crawdads. Please let Jeff know if you will not be there.

WHAT A GAME!

We came, we saw, and what do ya know, we managed to extract sweet revenge against the LA Radars (marking the second win in a row since our defeat to them early last year). For game 11 it was another gorgeous Southern California day and we had excellent turnout with 5 people sitting out each of the last few innings. And, unlike some of our other games this season, the Homers exhibited consistent quality defensive play throughout the game. It was a tight running almost the whole game, but the Homers showed endurance and came out on top, bringing our record to 10-1.

The line score:

Inning-    1  2  3  4  5  6  7   Final
Homers-    5  0  1  3  0  2  3   14
LA Radars- 1  5  0  0  0  2  2   10

Becky   3B 3B  * OF 3B  * 3B
Scott   OF OF OF  * OF OF  *
Ron     OF SS P  OF *  1B  *
Richard OF OF SS  * SS  * OF
Karen    P  C  *  P  *  P  C
Rich    1B 1B  * 1B 1B  * 1B
Joe     OF OF  * OF OF  * OF
Steve   SS  * 1B SS  * SS  P
Kathy   2B  * 2B 2B  * 2B 2B
Daniel   C  * OF  C  * OF  *
Kim      * 2B OF  * 2B OF  *
Jana     *  P  C  *  C  C  *
Annette  * OF 3B  * OF OF OF
Mary    -- -- OF OF OF  * OF
Tony    -- -- -- 3B  P 3B SS
Sue     <----Line Manager----->

Sheila, Craig, Gyro, and Kona provided spiritual support from the sidelines.

Offensive highlights included a game opening double by Becky and then a triple by Karen in the 1st, along with Homers by Scott, Richard, Ron, Steve, and Daniel sprinkled throughout the game. Our girls got good solid hits throughout the game but the humbug Radars managed to nab many of 'em. Several times a blur approaching relativistic velocity was seen on the way to 1st base, some reports indicate that it was actually Kathy. Defensively the team shined. Rumor has it Sue was paid to keep Richard from pitching, therefor giving us a chance to win the game. Becky caught a pop up in the 1st and then grabbed a line drive in the 2nd. Scott kept up his consistently good defensive play throughout the game. Richard nailed most of his throws to 1st, only missing 1 :) and he scorched a ball from deep left field all the way to 1st, almost in time to catch the runner. Tony displayed his football pouncing instinct during a play in the 4th in which he chased a runner to 3rd and tagged him out after he slid off the base 'cause he forgot humans don't come equipped with ABS. Tony had another great play in the 6th backing up a ball that got away from Steve and throwing to 1st in time to get the runner. In the critical last inning Steve caught a line drive that initially bounced off his glove as pitcher. Following this event a rare and embarrassing show of emotion by Tony and Steve almost resulted in 2 injuries on the field... thankfully, no one got hurt. The victory was cinched by a good play to 1st by Tony and another awesome catch by Annette (milk'en the browny points). Of course, we shouldn't forget the guy on first who managed to grab everything thrown his way - Rich.

The post game victory dinner took place at the beer mecca (but food dive!) known as CCB. In attendance were Craig, Jana, Steve, Karen, Scott, Kathy, Richard, Ron, Sue. Charlie the Head Toad also made a guest appearance briefly.

Next game is Tues, Jul 18 on field H2 vs the Paper Tigers.

Please let Jeff or Richard know if you cannot make it.

The score above belies the fact that it was like shootin' Turkeys in a barrel in an easily won game, tho the Birds did rack up a six-run rally at the top of the last inning to make it seem close. The HOMERS just remembered to breathe INNNNNN, breath OUUUUUT, breathe INNNNNNNNN, breathe OUUUUUUUT, and victory just shot right out into our laps, cooing and gurgling, with no labor whatsoever. How about that! And none of us even took Lamaze, which, come to think of it, was why Tony didn't make the game.

Defensive Line-up:

Karen      p 3b  p 2b  p  -  3b/p
Scott     of of of of of  -  of
Jeff       c of 1b  c  - of  of
Ron       ss  p ss 3b  - ss  ss/3b
Kathy     2b 2b 2b  - 2b 2b  2b
Richard   of ss of  - of  p   p/ss
Rich      3b 1b  - 1b 1b 3b  1b
Joe       of of  - of of of  of  
Becky     of  - of of 3b of   c
Steve     1b  - 3b ss ss 1b   -
Chris     ------- traded ------
Annette    - of of of of of  of
Jana       -  c  c  p  c  c   -
Sue       <-----Field Manager-->

Offensively, the HOMERS had their big inning early, in the second, and never looked back. The inning ended with a mercy 3rd out as the HOMERS racked up 10 runs total. The HOMERS retained around a 10-run lead for the rest of the game until the 7th and a certain person's pitching performance, but more on that later. Everyone had at least one hit and the traded Chris went 4 for 4, as did Scott.

HOMERS were hit by Ron (a solo and a 3-run dinger, which also was Ron's 100th career HOMER!), Scott (two solos, the first of which was Scott's 50th career HOMER!) (Kinda obvious who is feeding me these stats, huh?), and Steve (one each of two-run and three-run smashes).

Defensively, a near triple play was effected when Kathy caught a line drive at second and then doubled off the runner on first. Too bad Steve's throw from first to third went over Rich's head (a point Rich reminded Steve of quite a few times). The women HOMERS were hot defensively, as Kathy's snag ended the first inning, Karen got a few key outs as second baseman and pitcher, and Jana, in her pitching debut, effected the first and last outs in inning 4. Ron and Richard had scoreless pitching performances in innings 2 and 6, but Richard had to go spoil it by finagling the pitcher position from Steve in inning 7. With the first four of that innings' 6 runs charged to him, he slunk back to SS and let Karen clean up the damage. DOH!

After the game the HOMERS dinner at Crown City was attended by Rich, Robb's mom Helen, Robb, Ron, Sue, Scott, Karen, Kathy, Steve, Joe, Annette, and Jeff. Ron paid for the first round of drinks in honor of his 100th career HOMER. So I guess Scott owes us each a half a drink for his 50th. :>

Next week's game is on MONDAY, July 10 on H2 versus the LA Radars. As usual let Richard or Jeff know if you can't make it.

Sue Kientz

Advanced scouting reports indicated that the Homers would have an easy time walking over On the Fringes, but the Homers sunk to the occasion and made a game of it, securing a narrow 23-21 victory when defector Richard closed the door on the Fringe's 7th inning, 7 run rally hopes by flying out to Tony for the final out of the game. First out that inning too - way to go Richard!

The Homer women led the way, batting 13/17 with Becky (4/4, dropped one right in front of Richard) and Kim (2/2 before pulling a Robb impersonation) being perfect at the plate. Hitting homers for the men were Tony with 3, Ron 1, Steve 1 (still farther than Richard's), and Richard 0.

In the lineup for the game were Kim, Jeff, Richard (0/2 while with the Homers, hence Jeff granting his release), Tony, Becky, Ron (actually stopped at 2nd - oh, yeah - that's 'cause Becky stopped at 3rd), Rich (bemoaning his ballooning ERA), Joe (still taking those Ruthian swings-still working on the contact part), Annette, Steve, Jana and Kathy, with Scott and Craig and no dogs in the bleachers (dogs were banned after the public urination spectacle getting caught on film and broadcast on the net).

Dinner at Round Table was well attended with only Richard, Tony, Becky, and Kathy not making appearances.

the line

    Homers   9 3 0 1 8 0 2   23
    Fringes  0 0 3 8 0 3 7   21

This report is abbreviated due to the author's loss of critical brain cells over the 4th o' July weekend.

Steve

After watching highlights of the Homers' 21 to 10 victory over the Toads (BOOyah), I happened to flip over to a dating-type show just coming back from commercial.

host: You saw those two go at it. Now let's find out what they thought.
(Two people talk to the camera, not knowing what the other says)
person 1: I've seen Toad around for years.
person 2: When I first saw Homer, I yelled, "Butt munch! Pull your head out!" to get those guys to stop dicking around.
person 1: Toad isn't particularly ... inhibited.
person 2: Then Princess circles around and flops down like he's the frickin' maitai Cherry over at Antler's and Yard's.
person 1: But then, not one thing Toad says is intelligible.
person 2: Pup Tent! What are you doing?! Tell Gerg to get his finger up for air before Combitchener goes over and Tae Boes it!
person 1: Basically, Toad is an idiot.
host: Well, it looks like this couple didn't connect, but I suspect they'll be seeing more of each other soon.

  Homers            6  4  0  2  1  2  6    21
  Voodoo Toad Fury  0  1  0  5  2  1  1    10

          Jeff     OF  C OF 1B OF OF  -
          Richard  OF OF SS OF SS OF  P
          Ron       P 1B  P OF  P  - OF
          Becky    OF OF OF OF OF OF OF
          Rich     1B 3B 1B 3B  - 1B 3B
          Joe      OF OF OF  - OF OF OF
          Marc     SS SS  - SS 3B SS SS
          Annette  3B OF OF OF OF 3B OF
          Daniel    C  -  C  C  C  C  C
          Tony      -  P 3B  P 1B  P 1B
          Jana     2B 2B 2B 2B 2B 2B 2B
          Sue      <---- da books ---->

In the game itself, the Homers put the mercy rule on the Toads in three out of the seven innings. Ron picked up another two home runs, the second of which was a grand slam that pushed the lead back to double digits in the last inning. Tony preceded that one with a hot line drive down the right-field line for a two-run homer. Daniel also gets credit for playing injured and getting a hit every time up. Defensively, Annette made at least two good catches in the outfield, while Joe and Becky got theirs in as well. Finally, Rich ended the game with a tough double play, tagging Charlie Kaczinski running from second base and then throwing out the batter at first.

Our next game is on Thursday, June 29, against On the Fringes on field H3. I believe that team lost to the Bruisers, if you can conceive of such a thing. Let Jeff or Richard know if you won't be there.

This week's Homer game marked the celebration of the summer solstice (OK, so we can't read a calendar, too bad Toads!), and drew Homers (and others) sensing free food from far and wide. Attending the annual fete:

HOMERS  Spectators      Cooks           Animals          Opponents
Kim     Scott S.        Robb            Gyro             Eclectic Eccentrics
Karen   Craig           Raul            Kirin
Kathy   Sheila          Patrick         Tetsu
Jeff                                    Kona
Ron                                     Mary's Mythical Rooster
Sue
Scott M.
Richard
Tony
Becky
Joe
Annette
Rich
Daniel
Jana
Steve
Mary

In spite of having to deal with this handicap, the Homers went on to make quick work of the Eclectic Eccentrics in the day's main event, pounding out a 28-13 win. The Homer's lineup:

                 1    2     3     4      5      6      7
Kim             2B   2B    --    OF     2B     --     OF
Jeff            OF   3B    --    OF     C      --     OF
Ron             3B    P    --    SS     3B     --     P
Scott           OF   OF    --    OF     OF     --     OF
Karen           P     C    --    C      P      --     C
Rich            1B   --    1B    1B     --     SS     1B
Tony            SS   --    OF    P      --     3B     SS
Joe             OF   --    OF    OF     --     OF     OF
Kathy           C    --    2B    2B     --     3B     SS
Becky           OF   --    OF    3B     --     OF     3B
Annette         --   OF    3B    --     OF     OF     --
Daniel          --   OF    C     --     OF     OF     --
Jana              -------T  R A D E D ---------------
Steve           --   1B    SS    --     SS     SS     --
Mary            --   OF    OF    --     OF     2B     --
Richard         --   SS    P     --     1B     1B     --

                 1    2     3    4    5    6    7
  Homers         4    0     0    11   6    2    5   -   28
  EEs            1    3     1    0    2    3    3   -   13

Oh yeah, and there was a barbeque as well, making it tough for the Homers defense to concentrate in the last inning of the game. This excellent meal drew panhandlers from far and wide, including the Sharks' manager and a JPL task manager (we HAVE to do something about security!!!!). Many thanks to Scott M. for the potato salad, Sue for the chips and dip, Karen for the cookies (and Rooster Hunters of America badges), and Annette and Daniel for the watermelon. In addition, the Homers would like to thank Richard and Jeff for organizing the feast and providing the meat and other essentials, and Robb, Patrick , and Raul for doing the cooking.

In a final, tragic turn of events, MRD claimed a final victim following the meal. Scott M., who refused to wear his Rooster Hunters badge, and was in a constant state of MRD denial, apparently caught the disease from Mary (OOOPS!), and was so badly afflicted that he will have to spend next 3 weeks getting the disease RAAM'ed out of him - Robb, an expert in the MRD affliction, will be sent along to treat Scott, leaving the Homers shorthanded in the meantime.

The next Homers game is Thursday, June 22 on H3 versus our nemesis, the Voodoo Toads.

The Homers dominated both offensively and defensively in a 29 to 14 victory over the Bruisers. The pace of the game was set during the first inning, when a streak of good hitting lead the Homers to take a mercy out. The Homers held on to that dominance, and lead the rest of the game. During fourth inning, the Homers took a second mercy out as we pulled ahead even more. Because of the large lead, and because our stomachs were already rumbling, we decided to forgo the seventh inning.

Good hitting was a key to our success, with every player getting at least two hits. The Bruisers did rally late in the game and doubled their score in the sixth inning, but by then it was too late. The superiority of the Homer team was clear.

                  1   2   3   4   5   6   Final
    HOMERS       12   3   3   8   0   3     29
    Bruisers      3   0   3   1   0   7     14

Playing Homers were (in order of attendance): Scott, Jeff, Kim, Tony, Rich, Ron, Becky, Joe, Steve, Annette, and Rob. Many thanks to Sue for doing a great job as line manager. Spectators were lacking, in fact we didn't even have a dog there to inspire us with its whining and barking. What was a quiet sideline, however, suddenly changed when Richard (not playing because of a broken finger) came back from his 5K run and began screaming his support for the opposing team. Robb and Mary appeared right at the end of the game, just in time for Robb to shout "Crown City!!!".

Dinner at Round Table was very well attended, with everyone going except that what's his name expectant father. Of course everyone else in town apparently had a pizza craving at the same time, the result being that no long tables were available. Did that stop the Homers? No!! We learned that if you assemble enough small tables at odd angles, and throw in a booth, we could just about all fit.

The next game is Monday, June 12, on field H2 against the Eclectic Eccentrics. Please let Jeff or Richard know if you will not be there. And don't forget that next week is the annual Homer's BBQ! Richard claims that he has everything covered, but I am sure that additional treats would not be turned away.

--- Homers report respectfully submitted by Annette

It was a dark and stormy night...

Well, it was really an overcast and drizzling late afternoon, but even "dark and stormy" wouldn't stop the HOMERS from showing up in force. They prevailed 26-19 over the new team Squeeze Play, undeterred by the wet field, the slippery bases and basepaths, and the gnawing, interminable absence of, uh, what was that shadowy gambler's name again?

Technically the game was won before it started, since Squeeze Play didn't muster but 6 players. But the HOMERS had players up the yin-yang and were able to lend them those who showed up last (Becky, John, and Daniel), so the opponents could be beaten properly, on the field.

The line score:

                 1  2  3  4  5  6  7
  HOMERs         6  0  1  9  2  2  5   26
  Squeeze Play   0  1  1  4  1 10  2   19

The HOMERs were (in attendance order): Jeff, Scott M, Kim, Rich, Ron, Annette, Jana (debut), Becky, Tony, Joe, Steve, Becky, John, and Daniel. Spectating were Scott S, Craig, Gyro, Sheila, and Kona. Sue did the line-ups and called out the batting order.

Offensively, every HOMER got at least 2 hits and scored at least one run. HOMERs were smashed by: Ron (3), Rich (3), Steve (2), Tony, and Joe. Ron might have had more HOMERs were it not for the "Baalke shift" engineered by the traded John, who left his spot as SS to fill in their 3-player outfield and who then caught Ron's long ball. John also hit two HOMERs, albeit for the other team. The HOMERs mercied the opponents for 3 successive innings, until their 10-run splurge in the sixth.

HOMER factoid: Ron's first HOMER of the game, by the way, was the HOMER's 500th homerun scored in HOMER history! Wohoo! [Guess who provided that stat! just guess! ...you're RIGHT!!]

Dinner was *very* well attended at Crown City and involved (in Richard round-the-table order): Ron, Jana, Craig, John, Rich, Scott S., Kim, Joe, Jeff, Annette, Daniel, Steve, Scott M, and Sue.

Next game is Thursday, June 8 (next week is a bye), on field H3 against the Bruisers. Please let Jeff know if you will not be there.

Sue Kientz

On Wednesday, May 17, the Homers dominated both offensively and defensively in a convincing 30-5 victory over the Bruisers. The Homers never trailed in the game and outscored their opponents in every inning played. This game saw the return of Daniel who apparently was holding out for a higher salary, the return of Robb from injured reserve, and the first game as a Homer for Myriam. Sue even gave up her field manager's hat and suited up for a couple innings. Offensive highlights included homers by Scott(2), Ron(3), Steve(2), John, and Daniel. The Homers also played their tightest defense of the season featuring two double plays. First Kim to Steve with Kim snagging a hard line drive to second. There were some reports that Joe helped setup this double play by failing to catch a popfly to the catcher by the first runner, but the replay shows it was clearly uncatchable. Later, John to Steve with John tagging the runner after fielding the ball at short. John once again proved fully capable of filling Richard's shoes, and even went into the storm drain to retrieve a softball from the sewer, something that Richard has never done for the team as far as I know.

Line Score:

  Bruisers  0  1  0  1  2  1  0    5
  Homers    6  5  1  2 10  6  x   30

  Jeff      of 1b -  c  3b c  -
  Kim       2b 2b 2b 2b 2b 2b 2b
  Rich      1b c  3b -  1b 1b -
  Scott M.  of of -  of of of -
  Ron       p  -  of ss p  -  of
  Annette   3b of of of of 3b of
  Tony      ss ss -  p  ss -  1b
  Joe       of -  c  of -  of of
  Becky     of of of of -  -  -
  Myriam    -  -  of of of -  -
  Sue       -  -  -  -  -  of of
  Robb      c  -  p  -  c  -  p
  Steve     -  p  1b 1b -  p  ss
  John C.   -  3b ss 3b -  ss 3b
  Daniel    -  of of -  of of c

The next Homers game is on Wednesday, May 24 against Squeeze Play on field H2. Let Jeff know if you can't make it.

The latest chapter in Richard's on-going quest to hide his identity from Las Vegas casino management was written at the Crawdad vs. HOMER game on Monday. Richard (ex-Berkely, ex-Burma, ex-Belmont,CA) arrived at Monday's game in an ultra-realistic John Chang costume. To further hide his identity, he elected not to throw any balls into the street during the game. The HOMERs were ultimately victorious over the Crawdads.

A legal controversy erupted following the game where the Crawdads challenged the legality of disguises during C league softball games. Ex-Supreme Court Justice Earl (Robb) Warren issued a decision that it was the HOMERs skill at softball that permitted the HOMERs to win and not the costume worn by Chen/Chang. Chen has stated that future disguises will be much harder for opponents to detect. (An unconfirmed source reported an order for a Daniel Limonadi costume for next week....stay tuned).

The line score:

              1  2  3  4  5  6  7
HOMERs        5  2  1  6  2  4  6   26
C-dads        5  0  0  0  6  2  0   13

Offensively, every HOMER got at least 2 hits and scored at least one run. HOMERs were smashed by: Ron (2), Scott, John, Steve, Tony, and Rich.

Defensively, Becky started her first HOMER game (welcome!) and immediately made an impact by backing up first on a wild infield throw (well done!). Annette snagged Mark Shipley's long fly ball and Kim stayed with a hot grounder to get the runner first. Rich gets defensive honors for starting and ending the rare 5-3-5 double play to end the game.

Dinner was at Crown City and involved: Kim, Jeff, Scott, Rich, Ron, Sue, Annette, John, Joe, and Steve.

Next game is Wednesday, May 17, on field H3 against the Bruisers. Please let Jeff know if you will not be there.

The HOMERS won their first game of the year by thrashing the IR Sox in the shortest game in HOMER history. The IR Sox only had 6 players at game time, and we generously waited for additional IR Sox players to show up. The game didn't start until 6:10, and we ended up just playing 4.5 innnings. The HOMERS welcomes Becky, who made her HOMERS debut. With the win, the HOMERS improve their season record to 1-1.

Honorable mention goes to Robb, who showed up to the game in crutches. More details to follow.

Defensive Line-up:

Kim       2b  2b  of  2b  of
Jeff      3b   c  1b  of  1b
Scott     of  of   c   c   c
Ron       of   p  of  3b  of
Karen      p  3b  2b   p  2b 
Richard   of  of  ss  of   p
Tony      ss  1b   p  ss  of
Steve     1b  ss  3b  1b  ss
Annette   of  of  of   -  3b
Joe        c  of  of  of   -
Becky      -   -  -   of  of
Sue       <--Field Manager-->

Scott, Ron, Richard and Joe were all perfect at the plate. Tony was robbed of a base hit when the pitcher made a great defensive catch of his hard smash up the middle.

Team leaders in home runs for the year after 2 games:

     Richard   4
     Ron       4
     Steve     3
     Tony      2
     Scott     2
     Annette   1
     Joe       1

     Total    17

             AB  R  H RBI
   Kim        4  1  1  0
   Jeff       4  2  2  0
   Scott      4  4  4  4
   Ron        4  4  4  8
   Karen      4  1  1  0
   Richard    4  4  4  1
   Tony       4  1  2  2
   Steve      4  3  3  5
   Annette    4  3  3  2
   Joe        3  2  3  3
   Becky      1  0  1  0

   Totals    40 25 28 25 

   IR Sox   2   5   4   5   1 - 17
   HOMERS   2   9   9   5   x - 25

   LOB - 3. 2B - Kim, Scott, Joe. 
   3B - Richard 2, Tony 2, Steve, Annette.
   HR - Ron 4 (4), Steve 2 (3), Scott (2), Richard (4),
   Annette (1), Joe (1).

           IP  R   ERA
   Karen    2  7  23.50
   Ron      1  5  35.00
   Tony     1  4  28.00
   Richard  1  1   7.00

The surprise pitching honor goes to Richard, who only allowed 1 run in the inning he pitched.

The DOH! Player of the Week Award goes to Ron. Last week, Ron hit a sharp line drive off of Robb's shin during warmups. Robb still played the game despite an ugly bruise and being in obvious pain. When Robb's leg didn't get any better, he checked in with his doctor, and he may have a fracture. DOH! My sincerest apologies to Robb, and I really fell terrible about it.

Sideline participants include Robb, Scott Steadman, Sheila and Kona.

After the game the HOMERS dinner at Round Table was attended by Kim, Scott S., Jeff, Scott, Ron, Sue, Karen, Richard, Annette, Joe and Robb.

Next week's game is on MONDAY, May 8 on H2 versus the Crawdads. As usual let Richard or Jeff know if you can't make it. Richard also said a new game was added to our schedule (Bruisers again).

An Elian Free HOMERS Report.

Since we are all undoubtedly tired of hearing All Elian, All the Time, the publishers of the HOMERS report will strive to give its readers a break.

There will be no mention of the poor Cuban boy during this report (OOPS, sorry that one just slipped through). Likewise the will be no poor comparisons between the heavy handed INS agents and the HOMERS opponents, the Goat Scouts (darn another one just got past the editors). The HOMERS report will consciously ignore the fact that both the Justice department and the Goat Scouts were led by women (I don't understand how this keeps happening). And of course, the HOMERS report would not stoop so low as to note the similarity between the Miami Gonzalez family and the HOMERS. The Miami Gonzalez's have had their hearts broken with the loss of Elian, while the HOMERS must deal with the loss of Sheila for the year. (All right, that's enough of that.)

Anyways, after a week's delay due to weather, the HOMERS officially opened the 2000 season with a stunning 34-30 defeat at the hands of the Goat Scouts.

              1   2   3   4   5   6   7   Final
Goat Scouts   2   2  12   3   1   6   8   34
HOMERS        2  11   5   2   4   5   1   30

   Kim       OF  OF  OF  2B  2B  2B  2B
   Scott M.  OF  OF  OF  OF  --  OF  OF
   Ron       3B  OF  OF   P  --  OF  3B
   Richard   OF  --  --  OF  OF  SS  SS
   Sue       2B  2B  --  --  --  --  --
   Mary      --  --  2B  OF  OF  OF  OF
   Robb       P  SS   C  --   P   C   C
   Tony      SS   P  SS  --  SS   P   P
   Jeff      1B   C  --  1B   C  OF  --
   Annette   OF  3B  3B  3B  3B  3B  OF
   Rich       C  --  1B   C  1B  1B  1B
   Steve     --  1B   P  SS  OF  --  OF
   Joe       --  OF  OF  OF  OF  --  --

The Goat Scouts returned to the C-league after a year's absence in very strong form. Their offense overwhelmed the HOMERS defense at times. The HOMER offense tried to compensate, but unfortunately came up a little short.

Offensive highlights included home runs by Richard (3), Tony (2), Scott (1), and Steve (1). There were also triples by Ron, Robb, Tony, and Jeff. Another offensive highlight is that everyone, with the exception of Sue (and she only got 1 at bat), had a hit.

Defensively there was not a lot to cheer about. We did have one inning where all the outs were made by the HOMERS women players. We also had a good pick-off of a Goat off first base by Robb and Rich.

Dinner was held at Crown City Brewery and was well attended by Kim, Scott S., Scott M., Ron, Sue, Richard, Mary, Robb, Jeff, Annette, Steve, and Joe.

Next week's game is Wednesday May 3 against the IR Sox on field H2. As usual let Richard or Jeff know if you can't make it.

So, knowing that she wasn't going to the game, Kona stepped into true Homer spirit by thrashing her old plastic bowl to bits while we played our measly preseason game (there Richard, I got in a reference anyway).

Meanwhile at the Rose Bowl...

The homers beat up on the Toads 15-12. Everyone played well...Richard threw from short to first without killing any first basemen or bikers, Jeff hit a semi-homerun to left, Karen almost got a homerun, and I can't recall any gross errors in our fielding. Good thing for preseason because now that we've got those bugs worked out of our system we can get back to our normal play.

Offensive honors go to Jeff, Karen, and me (hey! throw me a bone, I hit 2 homers and they don't even count) and Defensive honors go to everybody for not screwing up.

Food: Some people went somewhere after the game. Me on the other hand, got an urgent call from the pregnant chick and had to divert my ride home to buy her "a BLT from Tops". Thank god for cell phones.

Next game is Monday against someone at one of the two fields. See you there...no one is allowed to miss this one.

            1   2   3   4   5   6      F
  Toads     0   3   3   2   2   2     12
  Homers    4   1   0   3   7   x     15
 
Kim        2b  of  c   2b  of  2b
Scott      of  of  of  of  of  of
Robb       p   3b  ss  c   ss  -
Jeff       c   c   of  of  c   of
Karen      3b  p   of  3b  2b  3b
Richard    ss  of  p   of  of  ss
Ron        of  ss  -   p   of  of
Annette    of  of  -   -   -   -
Tony       1b  -   of  ss  3b  p
Steve      of  -   1b  of  p   ss
Sue        -   2b  2b  -   -   c
Rich       -   1b  3b  1b  1b  1b