July 16, 1996: (back) Scott Morgan, Taylor Runkle,
Holly Schmidt, Allan Runkle, Evora Simien, Ellen Runkle, Robb Warren,
Jeff Osman, Mary Wittman, David Lim. (middle)Ron Baalke,
Dante, Sue Kientz, Richard Chen, Isabelle Kiedrowski, Cheryl Kiedrowski,
Doug Clark, Monica Clark, Tim Ohm, Holly Clark, Annette Nasif, Samantha
Kiedrowski. (front)Hannah Runkle, Amy Walsh, Allen Clark.
Apr 25: HOMERS 19 Vas-y Bears 8 Apr 29: Gravity Fielders 11 HOMERS 20 May 6: Crawdads 7 HOMERS 13 May 17: LA Radars 5 HOMERS 16 May 21: ZEPHYRS 16 Homers 12 May 30: DEVIL RAYS 10 Homers 2 Jun 6: HOMERS 28 Roving Marauders 7 Jun 13: HOMERS 12 Wild Turkeys 11 Jun 17: THz Freqs 4 HOMERS 23 Jun 24: HOMERS 11 Deep Space Cadets 2 Jul 11: HOMERS 17 Cassini Grounders 15 Jul 16: HOMERS 17 Planet X 5 Jul 23: Homers 6 GOAT SCOUTS 12 Jul 29: HOMERS 13 Keystone Co-ops 9 Aug 6: VOODOO TOAD FURY 11 Homers 10 Aug 14: Asterisks 8 HOMERS 26 Aug 19: ASTER/GROUNDERS 19 Homers 14 Aug 27: Keystone Co-ops 12 HOMERS 14 Aug 29: HOMERS 31 Zephyrs 16
Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you've played all year for or perhaps sat and read through all those Homer Reports for: the Homers' year-end post-season awards (rebuttals welcome). This has been an outstanding year for the Homers, clearly one of the most solvent teams in C league. We played more games than any other team, averaged almost 14 players per game, only once had less than 12 players at a game, and never had a problem with the 25% female rule. Anyway...
M. HOMER (body): The most prestigious of the Homer awards goes to Scott Morgan, edging out Sue Kientz on the strength of order of appearance. Both players played in every game this year and paid their team fees, but Scott showed more discipline in blowing off work early, though it seems not to have prevented him from getting promoted to Technical Group Supervisor in Section 333. Congratulations, Scott!
M. HOMER (soul): Ron Baalke never trailed in this competition, hitting the first Homer home run of the year, and stayed hot throughout the summer. In fact, after 6 games, Ron had more home runs than the rest of the team combined, though a surge by the other players in the final game left Ron at only 30% of the team's total.
M. HOMER (food): Sue Kientz set a new gastronomical standard by going out to dinner after every Homer game this year. Richard Chen tried his best to dick with the rules in order to defend his title but gave up the dirty fight in the face of Sue's determination.
WORM AWARD: Historically, the winner of this award is not the winner of any of the M. Homer awards, but this year Scott Morgan so consistently put softball ahead of all else that his dedication won him this award. From June 6 to August 14, no Homer or Homer opponent showed up at the field before Scott, and in the three games after that, Scott still arrived 2nd, 1st, and 2nd. Honorable mention goes to Jeff Osman, whose order of appearance averaged 2.4, the best on the team.
GOLDEN GLOVE: Though Tim Ohm seemed to save most of his hitting for B League, his Homer defense never waned, particularly against the Zephyrs with his rolling, tumbling, shoestring catch in round 1 that required medical attention from Cheryl's friend Marisol and his mighty 120-foot gun in round 2 to nail a runner at home plate.
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: Allan and Ellen Runkle share this award. Once again, Homer management pulled off the two-fer-one by recruiting a woman and getting both her and her husband to the team's benefit. Not only did the two play well and attend most of the games, but their kids accounted for more than a third of all the Homer spectators over the year.
THE NAIM SULEYMANOGLU AWARD: Pocket Hercules has nothing on Cheryl Kiedrowski, who frequently lifted and carried a four-year-old in her right arm, a two-year-old in her left, two lawn chairs, various attention holders, and other gear between her car and the field. Oh, yes, she played softball very well this year also, leaving Richard glad he recruited her at the preseason softball managers' meeting without the standard two-day tryout.
THE GOLDEN LUNG AWARD: Samantha and Isabelle Kiedrowski win this one jointly, though voters probably confused and blended the plaintiff wails of B league with the heartstopping cries of C.
YOU MAKE MY HEART SING: The best stunt that Demon-Boy-With-Angelic-Voice Taylor Runkle pulled this year was in the game at Loma Alta where he climbed to the top of a 25-foot fence, got screamed at by his mom to "Get down from there!" and replied with a purely innocent "Whaaaat?" Hannah Runkle gets honorable mention not only for guilt by association but also for knowing exactly which buttons to push on her brother. In their defense, though, Hannah proved a competent babysitter, and both of them were the most consistent chanters of "Let's go [two-syllable name], let's go [clap] [clap]."
THE CHESHIRE CAT AWARD: In the next-to-last game of the year, Jeff Osman ripped a sharp grounder down the third base line, apparently for a solid single as he slowed in reaching first base. However, with Robb screaming at him to go as the ball got past the left fielder, Jeff huffed and puffed and blew his way around the bases for his first Homer home run of his six-year career. "Ear-to-ear" sufficiently describes Jeff's smile after he rounded third only if his ears are on the back of his head.
SILVER AND BRONZE MEDALS FOR C-LEAGUE SOFTBALL WEB PAGES: The Goat Scouts with their prettier graphics are followed by an even more distant Co-ops.
THE DINGO ATE MY BABY AWARD: Tim Ohm and Richard Chen, attempting to cross the street with an ice chest in hand, watched in horror as a bicyclist used his nose to strike the innocent ice chest. Robb played the part of Svenjolly by shouting "Watch it" to the two as they entered the street, a warning Richard heeded but Tim didn't.
THE HOMER WHO FELL TO EARTH: Kevin Schmidt, seemingly secure in a cushy Beltway job, was forced to return to Pasadena after betting his company's pension fund on Cigar at Del Mar. Goddard's loss is the Homer's gain though, as Kevin played and played well in three of the last five Homer games.
THE HOMER WHO FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH: Phil Coffman showed up three times in the first four weeks, collided spectacularly with Holly while the two were playing for the other team and camping underneath a pop-up, then left no forwarding address as he never reappeared again, though there have been unconfirmed sightings.
THE HOMER WHO FELL ON THEN OFF: In the middle of the season, Tim recruited Annette Nasif to come play for the Homers, and she became a welcome member, getting her mug into two team photos. However, after playing in games 10, 11, 12, and 14, Annette also disappeared, though that may be due to her taking work seriously.
THE BOB DOLE MEMORIAL: Doug and Monica Clark played in at least half the Homer games for the last three seasons, but this year they appeared only four times. With Holly reaching the age of needing to be driven to various games and practices, let's hope that the Clarks won't become a distant memory by the time April 1997 rolls around.
THE KERRI STRUG AWARD: This one goes to Mary Wittman on condition, the conditions being that she shrinks 10 inches and walks around with a helium tank attached to her vocal cord. Perhaps spurred on by her own pre-game razzing of Sterling Software's team Planet X, Mary made a big catch to kill an X rally but sacrificed her knee in doing so to the point where she did not play the rest of the year and had an MRI taken.
THE TERRI HATCHER AWARD: Leading people to think she had something better to do, Barbara Lam blew off dinner with the Homers after all six games she attended except for the last one. Not to be outdone in that competitive household, David Lim blew off 15 Homer dinners, by far the most on the team. He did attend two, once after the second game and again after the last one, leading those same people to believe that he needed 17 weeks to get over the humiliation of doing the Homer chicken dance.
MOST IMPROVED HOMERS: Though no ever doubted their softball skills, three former Maulers, Robb Warren, Evora Simien, and Holly Schmidt, independently came to the same realization that the true measure of a Homer lies not in the playing but in the participation. Really. Really! REALLY! Anyway, from appearing in four games in 1995, Evora rocked the Homer world by doubling that number this year. Robb outdid that by improving from 10 to 16, and Holly outshone them both by going from eight in '95 to 18 in '96. And in the secondary consideration of softball skills, Evora still swung the sweet stroke, Robb still has the steadiness on D, and Holly still pounded the long ball, ending up fifth in home runs.
THE SGT. PEPPER AWARD: In the Homer/Deep Space Cadets game, Martha Berg set a record for the most number of team changes in one game: 2. Martha batted once for the Cadets, jumped over to the Homers after deciding not to wait through 22 other Cadets in the order, then jumped back to the Cadets when her turn came up again.
THE CARL LEWIS AWARD: Beth Verish somewhat disappeared from the Homer world for almost all of the '96 season, but with only two weeks to go, Beth realized that she'd have to catch a little lightning to get a year-end award. After playing in game 17, Beth got her break when the Homers got scheduled for an extra game in the last week, an opportunity she converted by sticking both of the games in the last week. Her not-too-subtle appeals to play in the B league finals went unheeded though.
THE ANDRUW JONES AWARD: After lingering most of her career in the minors, Karen Chan got the call and cracked the show this year by playing in five Homer games. Not content with that, Karen also rocked the Homer world by playing a hefty proportion of her defensive innings at pitcher, traditionally a male position.
THE CHARLES BARKLEY AWARD: Amy Walsh wins this one, not for shaving her head, not for elbowing hapless opponents, not for taking too many three-point shots but for being a role model to the three sets of kids, each of whom now wants to ride motorcycles and ride them fast. If you don't like this award, Amy, be glad that there's no award in honor of Steve Sax.
PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR:
# 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 $ 1 Scott Morgan 6 2 4 4 10 7 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 2 9 2 Sue Kientz 10 3 2 7 5 15 14 13 12 4 9 6 6 4 6 11 11 6 4 10 3 Ron Baalke 10 3 2 7 5 3 6 11 4 4 9 6 2 4 6 11 6 4 10 4 Holly Schmidt 12 14 7 16 8 9 9 10 10 13 16 10 10 11 14 8 8 9 21 5 Jeff Osman 2 1 1 2 2 3 2 2 4 3 3 2 2 6 3 2 1 1 6 David Lim 4 7 6 5 3 12 7 6 9 9 9 9 8 9 7 7 12 3 7 Richard Chen 3 6S 2S 4S 1S 2 3 3 8 2 2 5 7 5 7 3 1 8 Robb Warren 12 9 9 4 7 5 14 3 8 5 11 3 10 4 5 7 22 9 Tim Ohm 8 10 7 10 11 10 7 11 6 13 8 11 9 13 11 18 10 Allan Runkle 7 10 11 13 11 8 12 9 5 17 13 10 8 S 6 11 Ellen Runkle 1 1 3 1 5 4 5 12 8 7 4 2 10 6 12 Han/Tay/Sus S S S S S S S S S S S S S 13 Amy Walsh 6 11 6 13 6 13 13 11 18 13 19 14 Cheryl Kiedrowski 8 9 2 8 6 3 4 4 6 3 15 Samantha/Isabelle S S S S S S S S S S 16 Martha Berg 9 15 8 17 14 12 15 10 8 20 17 Evora Simien 12 13 11 15 12 15 9 11 8 18 Barbara Lam 5 9 15 7 3 S 3 19 Mary Wittman 12 14 15 14 12 S 22 20 Karen Chan 7 8 5 1 4 21 Doug Clark 8 13 4 10 12 21 Monica Clark 8 13 4 10 12 23 Annette Nasif 11 7 13 12 24 Holly/Allen S S S S 25 Phil Coffman 5 11 12 14 26 Beth Verish 12 12 6 16 27 Kevin Schmidt 12 8 9 28 Alex Pescaru S 13 14 29 Don Calkins 4 3 24 30 Raul Haro S 5 31 Brian/Aaron S S 32 Bruce McLemore 5 5 33 Rich Benesh 10 15 34 Jim Larson 13 35 Earl Higa 14 36 Marisol/Janell S 36 Marlo Simien S 36 Mrs. Lim S 36 Terry Emerson S 36 Patrick Bergmann S 36 Team Hammer S 36 Susie Horn S 43 Mike Stoloff 17
Congratulations to Scott for winning this year's contest. Kudos to Sue as well for making every game of the year. The algorithm to determine the winner:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 sum
Ron Baalke 1 2 2 1 2 1 1 3 1 2 1 1 1 1 20
Scott Morgan 1 1 2 1 1 1 2 9
Tim Ohm 1 1 1 1 1 1 6
Richard Chen 1 1 3 5
Holly Schmidt 1 1 1 1 4
David Lim 1 1 1 3
Allan Runkle 2 2
Bruce McLemore 1 1
Jeff Osman 1 1
Kevin Schmidt 1 1
Ron never trailed in this contest and won it by a wide margin. Salut!
# 1 Sue Kientz 19 - 0 2 Jeff Osman 17 - 0 3 Richard Chen 16 - 2 (16 dinners attended, 2 skipped) 3 Ron Baalke 16 - 2 5 Tim Ohm 15 - 3 6 Scott Morgan 13 - 6 7 Robb Warren 12 - 4 8 Holly Schmidt 8 -10 9 Karen Chan 7 - 0 10 Cheryl Kiedrowski 7 - 4 10 Samantha/Isabelle 7 - 4 12 Martha Berg 5 - 4 13 Amy Walsh 5 - 7 14 Han/Tay/Sus 4 - 9 14 Ellen Runkle 4 - 9 16 Kevin Schmidt 3 - 0 17 Allan Runkle 3 -11 18 Earl Higa 2 - 0 18 Dwayne Chong 2 - 0 18 Raul Haro 2 - 0 21 Alex Pescaru 2 - 1 22 Annette Nasif 2 - 2 23 Mary Wittman 2 - 4 24 David Lim 2 -15 25 Bruce McLemore 1 - 0 25 Glenn Johnson 1 - 0 25 Terry Emerson 1 - 0 25 Patrick Bergmann 1 - 0 29 Brian/Aaron 1 - 1 30 Beth Verish 1 - 2 30 Phil Coffman 1 - 2 32 Monica Clark 1 - 3 32 Doug Clark 1 - 3 32 Holly/Allen 1 - 3 35 Barbara Lam 1 - 5 36 Evora Simien 1 - 7 37 Rich Benesh 0 - 1 38 Don Calkins 0 - 2
Sue ran away with the third leg of the Homers Triple Crown despite Richard's best efforts to dick with the rules to defend his title. Sue did not miss a single Homer dinner this year, a feat never before accomplished.
HOMER TEAM TOTALS, YEAR-BY-YEAR
YEAR W-L PCT HR GS R OR HR/G R/G OR/G Comment 1991 9-8 .529 32 1 208 221 1.88 12.2 13.0 1992 7-7 .500 31 1 186 204 2.21 13.3 14.6 Missing 3 Game Reports 1993 11-5-1 .676 30 2 192 165 2.00 12.8 11.0 Includes 2 Forfeit Wins 1994 12-5 .706 48 2 273 188 2.82 16.1 11.1 Missing 1 Game Report 1995 14-4 .778 63 1 303 173 3.50 16.8 9.6 1996 14-5 .737 52 3 304 187 2.74 16.0 9.8 Total 67-34-1 .662 256 10 1466 1138 2.56 14.7 11.4 GS = Grand Slam Home Runs OR = Opponent's Runs
HOMERS HOMER ALL-TIME ROLL CALL
There have been 34 different players who have hit home runs for the Homers over the past 6 years. In 1996, four players hit their first Homer home run: Bruce McLemore (in his first at-bat!), Allan Runkle (2 homers in the same game), Kevin Schmidt, and the long-awaited home run debut from Jeff Osman. On the all-time list, Richard (61) retained the top spot. Ron (41) jumped from 4th place to 2nd. Scott (19) and Tim (18) swapped places for 5th and 6th place. Holly (7) moved up into 7th place. David (4) moved quietly into 10th place.
91 92 93 94 95 96 Total
Richard Chen 7 12 8 14 15 5 61
Ron Baalke - - 2 7 12 20 41
Don Calkins - - 8 8 15 0 31
Jesus Martinez - 9 6 6 1 - 22
Scott Morgan 1 0 1 5 3 9 19
Tim Ohm - - - 2 10 6 18
Holly Schmidt - - - - 3 4 7
Juan Urista 3 4 - - - - 7
Alex Rodriguez 5 1 - - - - 6
Brian Hammer 2 1 0 1 - - 4
Raul Haro 4 0 0 - - 0 4
David Lim - - - - 1 3 4
John Chang - - 2 1 - - 3
Rob Emery 3 - - - - - 3
Don Jacob 2 1 0 - - - 3
Doug Clark - - 0 2 0 0 2
Chuck Eckel 2 - - - - - 2
Mark Horn - - 2 - - - 2
Allan Runkle - - - - - 2 2
Russ Byrne - - 1 0 - - 1
Phil Coffman - - - - 1 0 1
Angel Garnica 1 - - - - - 1
Jason Ingham 0 1 - - - - 1
Bruce McLemore - - - - - 1 1
Jeff Osman 0 0 0 0 0 1 1
Mark Parisi 1 0 - - - - 1
Gerry Rodriguez 0 1 - - - - 1
Kevin Schmidt - - - - 0 1 1
Evora Simien - - - - 1 0 1
Rich Stephenson - - - 1 - - 1
Mike "VooDoo" - - - 1 - - 1
Amy Walsh - - 0 0 1 0 1
Mike Wilhelm 1 - - - - - 1
Mat ?? - 1 - - - - 1
THE 1996 HOME RUN SEASON
Despite having the two big guns from the 1995 season, Richard and Don, sidelined most of the 1996 season due to injuries, the Homers hit an impressive 52 home runs this year. This was the second highest total ever by a Homer team. Richard and Don hit 15 home runs apiece in 1995 which accounted for nearly half of the team's home runs. In 1996, 8 players set personal bests in home runs to help fill in the void. Ron hit a team record 20 home runs, while Holly also set a team record of 4 home runs for the women.
Ron Baalke 20* Scott Morgan 9* Tim Ohm 6 Richard Chen 5 Holly Schmidt 4* David Lim 3* Allan Runkle 2* Bruch McLemore 1* Jeff Osman 1* Kevin Schmidt 1* Total 52 * Personal high
HOMERS RECORDS SET IN 1996
MOST WINS, SEASON: 14
Previous Record: 14 - Ties record from 1995
MOST CONSECUTIVE WINS, START OF SEASON: 4
Previous Record: 2 (1992)
MOST RUNS SCORED, INNING: 14 - 04/29/96
Previous Record: 13 - 07/14/93, 05/04/94, 05/19/94
MOST TEAM HOME RUNS, GAME: 8 - 08/29/96
Previous Record: 8 - Ties record set on 07/19/95.
MOST TEAM GRAND SLAM HOME RUNS, SEASON: 3 - 1996
Previous Record: 2 - 1993 & 1994
MOST TEAM GRAND SLAM HOME RUNS, GAME: 2 - 08/29/96
Previous Record: 1, set many times
MOST TEAM RUNS SCORED, SEASON: 304 - 1996
Prevous Record: 303 - 1995
MOST GAMES PLAYED, SEASON: 19 - Sue Kientz, Scott Morgan
Previous Record: 18 - Ron Baalke (1995), Tim Ohm (1995)
MOST CONSECUTIVE GAMES PLAYED: 68 - Ron Baalke
Previous Record: 51 - Ron Baalke
MOST GAMES PLAYED UNTIL HITTING FIRST HOME RUN: ~93 (estimated) - Jeff Osman
Previous Record: 36 (estimated) - Amy Walsh
MOST HOME RUNS, GAME: 3 - Richard Chen on 08/29/96, Ron Baalke on 06/17/96
Previous Record: 3 - Ties record set 8 other times.
MOST HOME RUNS, SEASON: 20 - Ron Baalke
Previous Record: 15 - Don Calkins (1995), Richard Chen (1995)
MOST HOME RUNS (FEMALE), SEASON: 4 - Holly Schmidt
Previous Record: 3 - Holly Schmidt (1995)
MOST HOME RUNS, CAREER: 61 - Richard Chen
Previous Record: 56 - Richard Chen
MOST HOME RUNS (FEMALE), CAREER: 7 - Holly Schmidt
Previous Record: 3 - Holly Schmidt
MOST GRAND SLAMS, GAME: 1 - Scott Morgan on 06/06/96 and 08/29/96,
Holly Schmidt on 08/29/96
Previous Record: 1 - Ties record set 7 other times.
MOST GRAND SLAMS (FEMALE), GAME: 1 - Holly Schmidt - 08/29/96
Previous Record: 0
MOST GRAND SLAMS, SEASON: 2 - Scott Morgan
Previous Record: 2 - Ties record set by Richard Chen (1993)
MOST GRAND SLAMS (FEMALE), SEASON: 1 - Holly Schmidt
Previous Record: 0
MOST GRAND SLAMS (FEMALE), CAREER: 1 - Holly Schmidt
Previous Record: 0
MOST 2+ HOME RUN GAMES, SEASON: 5 - Ron Baalke
Previous Record: 4 - Richard Chen (1994 & 1995), Don Calkins (1995)
MOST 2+ HOME RUN GAMES, CAREER: 13 - Richard Chen
Prevous Record: 12 - Richard Chen
MOST 3+ HOME RUN GAMES, CAREER: 3 - Richard Chen
Previous Record: 2 - Ron Baalke, Don Calkins
MOST CONSECUTIVE HOME RUN GAMES, START OF SEASON: 7 - Ron Baalke
Previous Record: 1, set many times.
MOST HOME RUN GAMES, SEASON: 14 - Ron Baalke
Previous Record: 11 - Richard Chen (1995)
Ron has also done much work in tracking all-time Homer home run records.
last update: 29 August 1997