Apr 19: preseason May 4: HOMERS 14 Delta Stars 4 May 12: Homers 6 MAULERS 8 May 19: HOMERS 30 Pole Zero Bears 6 May 31: HOMERS 11 Foxes and Hounds 8 Jun 7: Roving Marauders 15 HOMERS 20 Jun 28: CRAWDADS 24 Homers 7 Jul 6: Goat Scouts 14 HOMERS 15 Jul 7: HOMERS 16 Cosmic Debris 3 Jul 13: HOMERS 14 Wild Turkeys 12 Jul 21: Homers 13 DEEP SPACE CADETS 20 Jul 27: HOMERS 19 LA Radars 7 Aug 1: Turbo Jello 6 HOMERS 24 Aug 9: Asterisks 9 HOMERS 24 Aug 18: VOODOO TOAD FURY 17 Homers 16 Aug 22: HOMERS 20 Gravity Fielders 8 Sep 1: Maulers 9 HOMERS 23 Sep 7: Homers 18 PRIME TIME 22
ATTENDANCE AT GAMES (4 or more appearances)
Name Game 1 2 3... Pct. ---- --------------------------------- ---- Amy Walsh S X X X X X X X X X X X X X 82% Angela Pina X X X X X X X X 47% Beth Verish X X X X X X X X X X X 65% Don Calkins X X X X X X X X X X X X 71% Doug Clark X X X X X X X X X X 59% Ed Baroth X X S X 24% Holly Schmidt S S S S S S 35% Jeff Osman X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 100% Jesus Martinez X X X X X X X X X X 59% Laurie Chen X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 94% Monica Clark S S X X X X 35% Richard Chen X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 100% Ron Baalke X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 100% Scott Morgan X X X X M M M M X X X X X X M X 94% Tim Ohm X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X 88% X = player, S = spectator, M = managerOTHERS (who they all are is left as an exercise to the reader)
3: Alan Clark(S), Brian Hammer, Charline Hao, Chris Horn, Greg Baroth(S), Karen Chan, Mark Horn, Russ Byrne
2: Bruce(S), Doug Strain, Martha Berg, Mike S, Richard S, Susie Horn
1: Bill Verish, Chili(S), Dave, Don Fleischman, Eric, John, Lisa Hammer(S),
Mike c, Mike v, Sarah(S)
ATTENDANCE AT DINNERS
Jeff 100%, Richard 100%, Laurie 85%, Ron 77%, Don 69%, Scott 69%, Amy 54%, Doug 31%, Holly 31%, Monica 31%, Tim 31%, Alan 15%, Bruce 15%, Doug S 15%, Jesus 15%, Karen 15%, Martha 15%, Brian 8%, Chili 8%, Ed 8%, Eric 8%, Greg 8%, John 8%, Lisa 8%, Mary 8%, Richard S 8%, Robb 8%, Sarah 8%.
HOME RUNS
Name Game 1 2 3... Tot ---- ----------------------------------- --- Brian 1 1 Don 1 1 1 3 1 1 8 Doug 1 1 2 Jesus 1 1 1 2 1 6 John 1 1 Mike O'Neal 1 1 Ron 1 2 1 2 6 Richard 3 2 1 1 3 2 1 1 14 Richard S 1 1 Scott 3 1 1 5 Tim 1 1 2Consistency Award: Jeff and Ron. Not only did they play in every game this season, but neither missed a game last season. It's time they got promoted to manager and assistant manager.
Worm Award: Scott. In the 11 games he played in, he batted first in six and second in the other five. Honorable mention goes to Don and Jeff, one of whom batted first in ten of the 11 games where Scott didn't bat first. The only other person to bat first was Angela, who led off the season opener probably because she naively believed that players ought to show up around 5:00 for a 5:30 game.
Fan Appreciation Award: the Clarks, who provided more than half of our spectators over the year. Honorable mention goes to the Baroths, who provided 40% of the rest.
Person We Really Miss: at the same time, everyone say, Rauuuuuuuuuuuuuuul! He started this team, and a lot of people think he ought to come back to it. Here's hoping that Angela does not win this award next year.
Triples Award: Ron and Don. It's too bad this isn't an official Homer statistic because these guys might have ten each. Of course, if they could run a bit faster or wouldn't get winded by second base, this award wouldn't exist.
Male Home Run Champion: Richard. Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye. I was averaging 1 per game until I slumped at the end.
Female Home Run Champion: no one, although Amy got at least two triples this year where she should have just said forget it and gone for it.
The Pull Hitter Award: Jeff. Honorable mention to Don and Richard. I considered simply naming the award after Jeff, but it would be odd for him to win his own award year after year.
The Push Hitter Award: Doug. Honorable mention to Amy and Ron.
Reflexes: Beth. Can't anyone else protect themselves at third base?
The Kent-Tekulve Award: Tim, who ought to become a relief pitcher because all the great ones have an "out" pitch, one that almost guarantees an out when thrown. For Tim, the name of that weapon is the sidearm sinker, to the dismay of every Homer who's played first base while he played shortstop.
Most Improved Player: Laurie. Every year she gets better at hitting the ball. However, she does have the potential to win this award a few more times.
MBP (Brittle): Scott. This is the fourth (?) season (not all for the Homers) he's missed games due to broken bones.
Disabled List Honor Roll: Scott (broken finger), Don F (torn ACL), Ed (back), Monica (preggo), Dave (kneeless)
The Either-Stop-at-Two-or-Plan-Ahead Award: the Clarks. Monica was on a tear when she came back - what if we had had her the entire year? Look, softball begins in May and ends in September. By backtracking the period of gestation, it's pretty clear that these two, if more are coming, are currently in the danger period. Hold your horses till spring!
Player Most Unfairly Accused of Being Dangerous to Fellow Homers: Richard. Whose fault is it if the ball takes a funny bounce and hits Tim in the head, or if Jeff gives up on the ball and it hits Laurie in the chest on a throw home, or if Ron thinks warm-ups are over when in fact there's one throw left, or if Amy ... Amy ... OK, that one's my fault, but that was a B league game.
Players to Recruit for Next Year: Robb Warren, Mary Wittman, Karen Chan - don't you all want to play for a REAL team?
Last update: 14 August 1997